You have a big, beautiful home in Walnut Creek, CA and your parents are talking about maybe moving in with you. They are willing to come and live with you think their presence will help everyone out. Mom and Dad are pretty independent, but it sounds like this could really help them out. If you are going to work this out, you may want to think it through some things.
You love your parents, but you remember how it was when you were a teenager. It seemed that mom was constantly nagging about the cleanliness of your room. The relationship has changed since you became a responsible adult, but the thought of having your parents move in with you brings these flashbacks. How do you lay down ground rules with your own parent?
- Have a stress reliever
- Make a plan in which both sides have a say.
- Be pleasant and accepting. There will be an adjustment period.
This is a major change. You probably need to take a deep breath and think about what you are going to do and reconcile yourself to some disagreements. Some adjustments are not worth fighting over. Choosing a means of relieving stress at this juncture may save you some restless nights later on. If you and the wife need to get away for some stress relief, plan for it. Maybe talk to a therapist now and get some advice.
Make a Plan
The plan has to be a mutual one. This means that the parents (or in-laws) plus your immediate family all need to discuss the move. It would be wise to include your kids as much as possible also. Having a plan and talking about everything and everyone’s feelings should get rid of a lot of future grief. Laying down ground rules and having each person understand their responsibilities can help avoid any disagreements.
Live as One
People used to live in big family groups (and in much of the world they still do) with few problems. Catch an episode of “The Waltons” to see how families used to live in a more agrarian society. People were happy living in a multigenerational family because they lived as a single unit rather than as separate families in the same abode.
Having your parent(s) move in with you can be stressful as you try to be all things to all people. Fortunately, having a plan and remembering that you are all in this as a single family can help reduce stress. This could be one of the best decisions you have ever made if you approach it the right way.
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